Thursday

I have been thinking about simplicity and the small things lately. There is so much pressure in our society to consume and never be satisfied. I used to be very minimalistic but that was because I was super poor. Now that I am older and make more money I have gotten into the habit of buying more things. I get that feeling in my gut that I hate so much, the “I want this and I will not be satisfied until I have this” feeling. Reflecting on this I notice that I am not only struggling with this feeling when it comes to stuff but also to food. In my year of health and really want to be conscience of this feeling and I want to not give into every desire I have. That’s not health. It’s not healthy physically, spiritually, or mentally. There is a discipline in self control that I need to grow into my life. Self control is also a fruit of the Spirit so I believe that He will help me grow in this area too. I really want to learn a balance of enjoying the things I love in moderation and completely removing them from my life. I inadvertently experience this back in 2016-2018. I had two babies, health issues, and my marriage was falling apart. I was doing everything in my power to take care of everyone and myself. I cut out so much junk from my diet and I implemented some healthy habits to help me stay afloat. Over the last 5 years I am no longer in survival mode so I have let these habits slip. This time around I want to do this for myself because it truly is what’s best. I don’t want to have to do it because I will figuratively drown if I don’t but I want to do it because I love myself and I can. Health is a gift and privilege. God has given it to me right now and I want to take good care of this gift while I have it.

This entry really ended up in a direction that I wasn’t planning on taking when I started it but welcome to my thought life, haha! It’s a bit confusing and twisty and twervy but I’m writing for myself. So I am not going to edit but just let it be as it is.